Gonad Restaurant

Guo Li Zhuang restaurant is the sort of place where you won't be surprised to find a bone in your soup.  The establishment erected it's open sign in 2006, offering all kinds of dishes with animal genitalia as the primary ingredient.  Many Chinese believe animal penises increase male potency and do wonders for women’s skin.  Word about the anatomical wonders served at the restaurant spread quickly, and there are now four franchised locations throughout Beijing and one in Atlanta’s Chinatown.  The name of the restaurant is derived from homophones of the family name of its founder (Guo), the family name of his wife (Li), as well as the nickname of his son (Zhuang) and translates as "the strength inside the pot".

 

The Guo Li Zhuang plates up private parts of a wide variety of species from testicular delights of the dog, the dork of the donkey and the placenta of the deer, to the trouser snake of the snake and the cock of the cock to name but a few.  The dishes include traditional medicinal secrets passed down in the Guo family and are often given poetic names such as The Essence of the Golden Buddha, Phoenix Rising, Jasmine Flowers with 1000 Layers, Look for the Treasure in the Desert Sand, Head crowned with a Jade Bracelet, and Dragon in the Flame of Desire.  In addition to the mouth watering genitals, the restaurant also carries such rare delicacies as stewed deer face, sheep foetus in brown garlic sauce, and peacock claws.

 

 

So if you're in the neighbourhood and looking for a hot meal with a sex pot, don’t' go South for sushi, go down to Guo Li Zhuang restaurant for a mouth watering meal you can blow your own horn about later.  Also, just in case you were wondering, none of the five locations have a head chef called Wang.

 

 

Cigarette Education

A 1931 educational booklet about cigarettes pubished by a cigarette company so you know it's the truth.

Remember: Cigarettes don't harm the undead.  Back in the late 1800s cigar smoke was one of the treatments for asthma.   These days  the most frequent source of fires leading to loss of lives in private homes are attributed to cigarettes.

The first anti-tobacco campain was by the Nazi party in Germany before the first world war, after German scientists discovered a link with lung cancer. Adolf Hitler was a heavy smoker in his early life but gave up the habit, concluding that it was a waste of money. In later years, Hitler viewed smoking as "decadent" and disapproved of the military personnel's freedom to smoke.  He was angered when a statue portraying a cigar-smoking Goring was commissioned. Adolf Hitler is often considered to be the first national leader to advocate nonsmoking, (although James VI and I of Scotland and England predated him by three hundred years).  So keep smoking or peoole will think you're a Nazi.

Genital Cleanliness

I have a new hygiene theory.

When you’re a guy and you go to the toilet, you need to touch your genitals to point yourself in the right direction.  When you’re done it is common practice that you wash your hands after (although studies show that about 20% of adults don’t). My theory is though, for the average person, the hand is actually less clean than their genitals.

Have a think about it, all day you walk around touching grubby door handles and hand rails then you go touch your genitals when you go to the toilet, clean your hand then go handle some germ covered money, open bin lids and go touch yourself in the toilet and make your penis even more germ contaminated.  Then you go home and you want your partner to put it in their mouth.

What would be much better would be to wash your hands before you go touch yourself in the toilet.  That way the only filth on your genitals is the crusty stuff from the previous night that wouldn't wash off.

Here's a nice sign:

Because the last thing you want is dirty genitals touching your food.

Reindeer Roast

Known commonly as venison, reindeer may be eaten as steaks, tournedos, roasts, sausages, jerky and minced meat. It has a flavour reminiscent of beef, but is richer and can have a gamey note.  One of the best things reindeer has in its favour is its low fat content. A 100g serving contains just over 2g of fat. Of that, less than 1g is saturated fat. A similarly sized beef rib-eye steak, contains nearly 15g of total fat, with almost 6g of saturated fat.

Reindeer meat is also low-calorie. A 100g serving contains only 150 calories whereas the same serving of beef contains 249 calories.  Additionally, reindeer has a slightly higher protein content than beef. A 100g serving of reindeer will provide over 75 percent of the recommended daily intake of vitamin B12 for an adult. Vitamin B12 is essential for several life processes including red blood cell formation, DNA synthesis and healthy metabolism.   Because of its high nutritional value, reindeer meat is the smart choice for your Christmas family dinner.

If you can down one, you'll find Santa's flying reindeers less gamy with a misty, magical taste somewhere between the unicorn and the Quilin.

The Medical Uses of Urine

OK so this is part two of the post a couple of weeks ago regarding The Domestic Uses of Urine.  There's also a wee bit of an update to that here.

Urine has been used as a healing substance, both externally and internally in all parts of the world through history. Urine contains vitamins, minerals, proteins, enzymes, hormones, antibodies, and amino acids, steroids, thousands of compounds in all.

One of the prescriptions the Damar Tantra, an ancient Sanskrit text is massaging one's skin with fresh, concentrated urine.  The Sahih Bukhari Islamic text, quotes the Prophet Muhammad advocating drinking camel's urine as a medicine in several verses.

In Roman times, there was a tradition among the Gauls to use urine to whiten teeth, both as a rinse and a tonic.  In 17th century France, wrapped urine soaked stockings around their necks to cure strep throat.  Aristocratic French women reportedly bathed in urine to beautify their skin. The details as to who's urine this was is open to speculation, aristocratic French women reportedly did a lot of things.

In the early 1800s, a book titled One Thousand Notable Things describes the use of urine to cure scurvy, relieve skin itching, cleanse wounds, and many other treatments. An 18th century French dentist praised urine as a valuable mouthwash and tooth whitener. In England during the 1860-70s, the drinking of one's own urine was a common cure for jaundice. Alaskan Eskimos used urine as an antiseptic to treat wounds.

Peeing on a hand towel and applying the urine directly to the face has been known to reduce acne. Some sports professionals and even dancers have used urine to treat athletes foot, simply by urinating on the feet will cause the athletes foot to reduce or even cure completely.  Madonna has admitted to using this method, apparently it worked like a prayer.  Dolores O'Riordan from The Cranberries admitted on a music TV show that when she was first learning to play guitar she had a serious problem with calluses on her fingers which she treated with this method under instruction from her band mates.  This may have been the influence in deciding the title of their 1993 album "Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We?".

Urokinase, an enzyme extracted from human urine, is being used to treat victims of heart attacks.  But where is all this medical pee coming from?  Well it is being collected by pharmaceutical companies in association with porta-loo companies. That's right, the ingredients for the pill millions pop on their tongue is collected from those reeking portable toilets that we all hate to use.  When you take a wiz at your favourite outdoor concert you may be making a donation. The Porta-loo features a filtering system that collects the pee proteins for later manufacture into urokinase.

Horse urine from pregnant mare's has high amounts of estrogens, which is isolated and sold as Premarin hormone therapy for women.  Ingestion of urea has been found to increase the antibacterial activity in urine itself against urinary tract infection.  Other compounds in urine used in medication are gastric depressants for ulcers and allantoin in ointments to promote wound healing.

The tonic of first morning urine is prized widely by pee-drinking advocates many of which believe that because the resting body uses less vital nutrients than during the daytime, it releases the unused excess into the morning urine.  Kind of like a do it yourself vitamin supplement with your breakfast toast.

The hormone melatonin is present in morning urine in significant quantities but much less during the day due to its secretion being shut off by the eyes exposure to bright sunlight.  Melatonin, when ingested, provokes tranquillity and heightened visualisation, working as a mild analgesic.  Why bother with finding an opium dealer when you could be drinking pee.

Despite the positive fizz of urine therapy, urine's ability to concentrate substances is not always a beneficial one. A diet high in salt leads to urine high in salt. And slurping down extra salty piss will give you diarrhoea.  In a similar but more deadly vein other toxins can become harmfully concentrated in the urine and pee recyclers with toxins creeping into their diet will soon find them selves on a much faster downward health spiral.

Know your supplier! You may be guzzling down a great deal more than you bargained for.  If the pee you choose to drink is your own, wash down below thoroughly and then collect the urine mid-stream.  If the urine belongs to another person, consider that there are certain viruses and bacteria that can be carried in and transmitted through the urine (such as Hep-B).  Drugs and hormone pills (birth control) leave traces in the urine, so feel free to accuse anyone with man boobs of being a pee drinker.  Taking a drug test after drinking the urine of someone taking performance enhancing drugs could cost you your victory.  Then again if you fail your next sports competition drug test you could try blaming your wee lifestyle choice.

Faecal Transplant

While some bacteria is bad, and makes us sick, there's other bacteria that wriggles around inside us and helps us digest food. Regardless of how much Disinfectant you want to spray around the house, the fact is that without these germs you're not going to be in good health at all. On rare occasions it's possible for these bacteria within us to die off, raising all sorts of medical issues. Usually from things like high levels of antibiotics or poisoning.

But not to fear, medical science has the solution in the delightful form of a faecal transplant, wherein faeces of a donor loaded with healthy new bacteria is injected into the patients colon with the plan to make a new home for themselves in the intestine. The procedure is the easy part the hard part is finding a suitable donor. You have to ask around your family and friends if they could help you out with a crappy favour you need. If you don't have any family or friends you could try putting an ad in the paper.

Once the donor has been found, they need to collect around five days supply of their feces and store it properly by putting it in their fridge during the five day period. After that, generally the donor transports their entire collection of excrement to the hospital. Because their donated supply can't be frozen, if they are travelling long distance they will need to check it in as carry-on luggage, not cargo, and explain everything to the airport staff.

The donors excrement is then mixed with saline to create a supply of five to ten days worth of enemas administered at the hospital. The donors payload can also be administered through a nasogastric tube, delivering the bacteria directly to the small intestine. Or in other words a tube is inserted through the nose, down through the stomach and excrement is pumped in. Occasionally both methods are used to increase effectiveness, attacking the problem from both ends as it were.

These days everything's about awareness, so I'm thinking I should set up a booth in the mall and make everyone purchase brown ribbons and soft toys. With a bit of support it could become a movement.