Mr Dress Up

This months LP cover is Mr Dress Up.

"Mr Dress Up" (I suspect that isn't his real name) has a selection of costumes for you to wear while you play carpentry.  He's happy to tease you how to handle his plumb bob and use the F-clamps.  His demoniacally possessed puppets will be watching intently with their black, soulless eyes as you learn the finer details of deep routing.

 

 

Demonic Phone Exorcism

You may not realise this but mobile phones contain demons.  Makes sense when you stop and think about it.  I have to curse my phone to get the touch screen to recognise that I'm trying to press a button.   You can exorcise the demon from your phone by sticking it in a microwave on high.

Here's some footage:

Despite the dramatic results of microwaving the phone, the video is not enhanced with special effects at all.  From the video, we can see that the microwave heats the phone to the extent where the demon thinks it's back in the hell-dimension and comes out!  You can see it scream and get extra cranky when it realises it's been tricked.

Hells Kitchen Witch

The Witch From Hells Kitchen by Robert E. Howard.  This book is actually a poster for the latest season of  Gordon Ramsays kitchen nightmare series.

In this series Ramsay challenges his aspiring chefs to manufacture armour and weaponry from kitchenware and do battle in an assortment of mythologically inspired battles while producing delicious culinary masterpieces.  To spice things up and improve ratings Ramsay is joined by a demonic co-host and her giant angry pussy.

Fire Demons!

After much research (well ok just a little bit) I have come to the conclusion that fire is alive!

It consumes (and requires) a fuel source to exist and leaves behind waste, it grows, it needs oxygen to breathe, it moves from one place to another, it can make baby fires, and dies. It could be argued that fire is just a bunch of chemical reactions, but I argue back that so are you. At the most basic level, living things like plants and animals are just self-sustaining chemical reactions, same as fire.

There is actually no unilateral agreed upon definition of life, but Generally there are considered to be seven traits something has to have to be considered to be alive. I'd like to point out that certain organisms, already accepted as being alive, don't have all seven of these traits.

The Seven Traits for Life:
1. Reactivity to the environment. Fires reacts more distinctly to differing environments than many microbes.
2. Ingestion of substance for energy to function. Yep.
3. Reproduction. Like asexual microbes fire can create offspring from its self.
4. Respiration. Fire requires oxygen, without oxygen it dies just like other forms of respiration. Some microbes don't actually respire anyway.
5. Emission of wastes. Yes, waste is produced from the consumption of fuels.
6. Internal Movement. Yes lots.
7. Cellular Structure. No, but neither do viruses which are generally considered to be some form of life.

See, fire is life Jim but not as we know it.  Fire is not so much extraterrestiral and alien life as it is primordial, and elemental.  It's dawn of time ancient. What sort of life is that?  A demon that's what! A fire demon!

In conclusion: Fire demons are real.