Brisk Love

My Mother's Brisket & Other Love Songs by Rick Moranis (Short for Frederick not Richard)

 

The brisket muscles include the superficial and deep pectorals. As cattle do not have collar bones, these muscles support about 60% of the body weight of standing/moving cattle. This requires a significant amount of connective tissue, so the resulting meat must be cooked correctly to tenderize the connective tissue.

 

Brisket can be cooked many ways and is often basted during the cooking process. A tough cut of meat due to the collagen fibres that make up the significant connective tissue in the cut, the brisket is tenderized when the collagen gelatinizes. The fat cap, which is often left attached to the brisket, helps to keep the meat from drying during the prolonged cooking necessary to break down the connective tissue in the meat.

 

But this album has little to do with cooking.

 

 

Genital Dining

In May 2012 Japanese illustrator Mao Sugiyama, who usually goes by the nickname HC, offered to cook an extra special meal.  In April the illustrator had his genitals surgically removed and frozen in preparation. The following month, five diners paid a share of  ¥100,000 to eat HC's plate of privates.

 

 

Sugiyama had initially considered eating his genitals himself but decided to invite guests and make a party of it.  Approximately 70 salivating people attended the event on May 18 to watch five individuals chow down on Sugiyama’s cooked penis, testicles and scrotum while they made do with beef and crocodile.  HC publicly seasoned and braised his own genitals on a portable gas cartridge burner, under the supervision of a chef.  The privates were soused in wine in a frying pan and served with Italian parsley and garnished with button mushrooms.  But what I'm sure you are thinking is: how did it taste?  One of the diners described the meal as “Tough! Like chewing some tough rubber.”

 

 

HC's genital banquet was dubbed Ham Cybele (Century Banquet), at the Asagaya Loft A event space in the Suginami district of Tokyo. Century in Japanese is a homophone for the Japanese word for genitals and Ham Cybele refers to the Anatolian mother goddess, prefixed with a word for tough meat to create a phrase whose initials match Sugiyama’s artist name of HC.  HC also had his nipples removed but they were not on the menu.  Sugiyam considers himself asexual and said he would not have his male genitalia replaced with female ones.

 

As usual an the event spawned the usual legal shenanigans, however, the organisers apparently went to some pains to cover themselves, making sure they did not run afoul of laws governing the sale of human organs, desecration of corpses, disposal of hospital waste, or food hygiene.  Japan has no specific law against cannibalism, only of destroying or improperly disposing of a corpse, since this could not be made to apply, authorities were left with trying to make do with charges of public indecency.  Japans public indecency laws are only valid indoors if the event charges for entry, which the penis eating show did not (they charged for the dining).  It was also deemed that the manner in which the genitals were eaten did not sufficiently stimulate the sexual desire of guests for it to constitute public obscenity.  In the end all charges were dropped as it turns out nobody involved actually did anything illegal.  The mayor of Suginami city was less than amused.

 

 

Wonder Ham

Because Nazis aren't that fussy when they are after a pork.

Frankenburgers

"Fifty years hence, we shall escape the absurdity of growing a whole chicken in order to eat the breast or wing, by growing these parts separately under a suitable medium."

- Winston Churchill (in 1936)

In vitro meat, also known as cultured meat, cruelty-free meat, test tube meat, tubesteak, or shmeat, is an animal flesh product that has never been part of a complete, living animal. Alternative names include hydroponic meat, vat-grown meat, victimless meat, vitro meat and Frankenmeat. Though it should not be confused with imitation meat, which is a vegetarian food product produced from vegetable proteins like as soy or gluten.

 

 

As early as 2000, researchers from the Tissue Culture & Art Project located at the University of Western Australia in Perth began research into in vitro meat. NASA has been conducting experiments since 2001, producing in vitro meat from turkey cells. In 2005, NASA conducted cultured meat research for space food. The first edible form was produced by the NSR/Touro Applied BioScience Research Consortium in 2002: goldfish cells grown to resemble fish fillets.  As early as 2008, some scientists claimed that the technology was ready for commercial use and simply needed corporate backing.  In November 2009, scientists from the Netherlands announced they had managed to grow meat in the laboratory using the cells from a live pig.  In February 2012, scientists at Maastricht University announced plans to produce sausage by March.

 

Over 30 laboratories across the world are working on cruelty-free meat, although none has yet been produced for public consumption.  The technology is simultaneously being developed along with human medical uses and an identical process is being researched to develope cultured leather products.  Most meat is animal muscle. The process of developing vitro meat involves taking muscle cells and applying a protein that helps the cells to grow into large portions of meat.  In the process, a matrix of collagen is seeded with muscle cells, which are then bathed in a nutritious solution and induced to divide.  Once the initial cells have been obtained, additional animals would not be needed, much like yogurt cultures.  Assuming that the proper materials are used and conditions remain ideal, two months of vat-grown meat production could deliver up to 50,000 tons of meat from ten pork muscle cells. Theoretically, one animal could provide more than a billion pounds of in vitro meat to feed the world's population for several hundred years.

 

Because this Frankenmeat has yet to be placed on the market, the health risks have not yet been fully investigated.  The aim is to produce healthier meat than conventional meat, most notably by reducing its fat content and controlling nutrients. Researchers have suggested that omega-3 fatty acids could be added, and as a bonus there will be no choking on chicken bones. Hydroponic meat does not necessarily involve genetic engineering, in fact, the cells involved are natural cells which would grow in the normal method.  An issue of Time magazine has suggested that the in vitro process may also decrease exposure of the meat to bacteria and disease. 

 

 

Due to the strictly controlled and predictable environments of shmeat farming, it is predicted that there will be reduced exposure to dangerous chemicals like pesticides and fungicides, severe injuries, and wildlife.  A study by researchers at Oxford and the University of Amsterdam found that in vitro meat was "potentially ... much more efficient and environmentally-friendly", generating only 4% greenhouse gas emissions, reducing the energy needs of meat generation by up to 45%, and requiring only 2% of the land that the global meat/livestock industry does.

 

Tube meat will initially invade the market in Spam cans, sausages, and frozen burgers.  Presently it's a little expensive for the average consumer, in May 2013 one burger patty was produced for around $325,000, but it is anticipated that the cost will reduce to compete with conventional meat as technologies and it's mass production evolves.  Vat-grown meat can be fashioned from any creature, not just farm animals, even endangered animals like the leather-back sea turtle, or the Sumatran rhinoceros. The future holds that no creature will be off the menu, no matter how rare or exotic.  In fact some scientists believe we will be able to create test tube meat using the DNA of extinct beasts and dine on Jurassic burgers.

 

 

Fragrant Chow

I'm going overseas again soon, looking forward to some of my favorite foods.  Although not a food I've tried, I'm reminded of when we were travelling several years ago and passed a restaurant in China.  Dong Lin restaurant's sign says “King of dog meat”.  Called Fragrant Meat (xiangròu), dog is not traditionally a delicacy, it's peasant food. These days though it has developed into a delicacy because it's becoming controversial.  The Don Lin restaurant is actually a small chain serving around 1 tonne of dog meat to at least 500 people each day and their specialty is dog hotpot.  Numbers from the 4th annual Yulin, Shaanxi ten day food fair that took place in May, 2011 state that 15,000 dogs were consumed.

The dogs are farmed much like sheep in Anhui province.  A brochure published by the Shenyang Agriculture and Science Development Institute, praised the St Bernards' "high farrowing rate", its "fine and tasty" meat and noted that its "gentle disposition is good for group breeding".  Returns from meat dog farming were four times higher than from pig farming, the brochure added. Song Shiyong, head of the Shenyang Dog Meat Research Institute said "St Bernard were four times more profitable to breed than pigs or chickens" and "This is a new way to prosperity".  Most of the dogs actually farmed, however, tend to be chow chow mongrels.  Keep that in mind the next time you order "chow mien" from your local takeaway.

But if you think it's just China or some of the other Asian countries that have traditions of eating dog meat, you're barking up the wrong tree!  Let's have a look around the world...  The earliest evidence of dog consumption have been found at Gaulish archaeological sites all throughout Europe, with the discovery of butchered dog bones.

 

In France, although consumption of dog meat is not common, dog meat has been popular in the past. French news sources from the late 19th century carried stories reporting lines of people buying dog meat, which was described as being "beautiful and light." During the siege of Paris in 1870, there were lines at butcher's shops of people waiting to purchase dog meat. Dog meat was also still being sold openly by some Paris butchers in 1910.

 

In Germany, dog meat has been enjoyed in every major crisis since the time of Frederick the Great (mid 1700's) or possibly earlier.  It is commonly referred to as "blockade mutton".  In the early 20th century, the high price of other meat lead to Germans commonly eating horse and dog meat. In 1937, a meat inspection law targeted against trichinella was introduced for pigs, dogs, boars, foxes, badgers, and other carnivores. Dog meat was not prohibited in Germany until 1986.

 

In Belgium, butcher shops sold dog meat in early 20th century. The Council of the Veterinary School of Belgium recommended dog meat for human food.

 

In The Netherlands, sausages made of dog meat were commonly consumed in 1940s, however this is not currently widespread.

 

In Poland, the meat is not eaten today but in some rural areas of Poland dog fat is still made into lard for medicinal purposes.

 

In Switzerland, the rural cantons of Appenzell and St Gallen are known to have had a tradition of eating dogs. Dog sausage and smoked dog jerky remains a staple in these areas as well as the use of dog lard for medicinal purposes. In a regional Swiss newspaper, one farmer was quoted "meat from dogs is the healthiest of all. It has shorter fibres than cow meat, has no hormones like veal, no antibiotics like pork." The commercial production of dog meat in Switzerland is, however, illegal.  Popular Swiss recipes for dog meat include gedörrtes Hundefleisch served as paper-thin slices, as well as smoked dog ham, Hundeschinken, which is prepared by salting and drying raw dog meat.

 

In India, dog meat is widely eaten by certain communities in the North-Eastern states of Mizoram and Nagaland, where it is considered to be a delicacy.  Hindus strictly avoid dog meat.

 

In North America, the term "dog" has been used as a synonym for sausage since 1884 and accusations that sausage makers used dog meat date from at least 1845.  Immigrants who were from Germany where consumption of dog meat was common brought their "Frankfurter" to America, where it was called hot dog because it was widely believed that it was made of dog meat. This belief was occasionally the truth.  In late 19th century, a cure for tuberculosis using an exclusive diet of dog meat was tried.  In the early 20th century, dog meat was consumed during times of food shortage and was sold openly in New Jersey butcher shops.

 

In the Kingdom of Tonga, the consumption of domestic dog meat is still commonplace and is also known to occur in migrant Tongan communities in New Zealand, Australia, and the United States.

Throughout Siberia, Northern Canada, and Greenland Dogs have historically been emergency food sources for various peoples. Sled dogs are usually maintained for pulling sleds, but occasionally are eaten when no other food is available. In the harsh wilderness of the Alpine, men are real men and dogs are man’s best friend and mans best food.

 

One of the risks of eating dog is the potential of hypervitaminosis A (vitamin A poisoning), if the dogs liver is eaten. Canines have a much higher tolerance for vitamin A than humans do which is in concentrated amounts in their liver.  Additionally the transmission of rabies to humans from dog meat consumption has been reported in two cases from China, one in Vietnam, and two deaths reported in the Philippines.  These cases may stem from improperly sourced or farmed animals so stop complaining and eat your chow.
 

In 1972 Frank Zappa recorded a song entitled Dog / Meat which is a musical ensemble of two of his songs Dog Breath Variations and Uncle Meat.

 

 

 

So go play frisbee in the park with Rover and you can round off the whole day with a good meal back home.

 

Endangered Meals

As meat eaters, animals that we like to eat (cows, sheep, pigs) we tend to breed and farm to not just eat but encourage the increase of demand for those animals. Whereas protected species gradually diminish in numbers heading towards extinction due to habitat incursion from human development.

Therefore I propose that the best way to protect an endangered animal is to put it on the menu. Now I'm not talking about going out hunting them in the wild.  That's just not going to work.  What needed is to turn the uncared about endangered creatures of the planet into highly profitable and desired sustenance.

If we look at say turtles in Australia compared with other places in South East Asia we can see how this might work.  In Australia most turtles are a protected species due to their dwindling populations. Where as in other parts of South East Asia, turtles are regularly consumed  in many places and are in abundance.  When supply of  is scarce, costs increase and farmers increase production to take advantage of high profit margins. As supply floods the market, demand increases due to the lowering of price.

Now take a look at this panda:

See how meaty it is, just like a juicy cow.  You could eat that.  I bet it's tender from lounging around all day and should taste great from it's diet of bamboo shoots.