Flaming Hockey Balls

Pelota Purépecha is hockey for pyromaniacs!  This ancient Mesoamerican version of field hockey uses a flaming ball.  Traditionally played at Purepecha (a Mesoamerica new years) around December 3.  In most places it is usually played in the streets surrounding the squares, with the flaming ball occasionally rolling under or hitting nearby parked cars.

 

The sport takes place in a marked area measuring 35 meters long and 6-8 wide, each team consists of five players armed with sticks, similar to a hockey sticks, called uarhúkua.  While often played during the day, it is predominantly a night time sport where the darkness focuses attention on the fiery sphere being hit up and down the play area ...and sometimes into the spectators.  The zapandukua is the fiery ball of about 15 cm in diameter consisting of a wooden core wrapped ​​with cotton layers and bound with rope, which is then soaked in kerosene and ignited.

 

The games duration is determined by the team captains before.  It may be based on a number of goals or on a time limit.  Traditionally players wear a team coloured bandanna, however, these days it has changed to a coloured sash like belt.  There is no sissy shin padding, gloves or flame retardant fabric.  Basic rules are: Don't be off side at the start.  No pushing other players or grabbing their stick.  Don't kick or step on the ball (or you will burn your foot).  No intentionally stopping the ball with your body (or you may set yourself on fire).

 

Recently, pelota purépecha has started making a comeback as the Mexican government is pushing to revive its ancient past times. In Mexico the Mexican Sports Confederation is printing rule books for this and other ancient games, the confederation is trying to start teams for pelota in schools nationwide. Government instructors are holding seminars to teach the game to school gym teachers and how best to dodge the fiery ball launched by excited, pyromaniac students.

 

Santas Little Redhead

A special double Christmas edition of the monthly book cover, Book One and Two of The Santa Claus Chronicles by Robert Devereaux.  Santa Steps Out and Santa Claus Conquers The Homophobes.

On the cover of Santa Steps Out, Santa is "stepping out" with a fiery redheaded woman in the embers of her fireplace. It is a well documented fact that Santa (much like Satan) is quite fire resistant. The same can not be said for the smouldering redhead who is already showing signs of burning and may well burst into flames at any moment.



The cover of Santa Claus Conquers The Homophobes depicts yet another naked redheaded woman who has the power of financial defecation.  Not necessarily the greatest power to possess, but probably not the worst, especially in difficult economic times.  Red relieves herself on the belly of a pregnant woman as Santa watches proudly. This may be the same redheaded woman he "stepped out with" in the previous book and imbibed her with his magical spirit of charity and giving. Which would go a long way towards explaining why she can poo gold coins.  Hopefully they are gold coins and not those foil wrapped chocolate ones popular at Christmas time, especially considering their place of manufacture.

Burning Clown

The Fire Clown by Michael Moorcock.

Acording to the book cover: He was a mysterious cosmic presence who came out of nowhere with the incredible promise to free the dying planet.

His promise to free the planet involves everyone undressing and making a bonfire with their clothes and all their money.  This is not going to end well.

Never trust a clown, never turn your back on a fire.

Measuring The Burn

I've had four conversations in the past three weeks involving chilli and chilli sauce, so I decided to do a blog post that includes an example of the Scorville scale. 

The Scoville scale is a measurement of the spicy heat of a chilli pepper. The number of Scoville heat units indicates the amount of capsaicin present in a chilli or chilli sauce.  Capsaicin is the chemical compound that stimulates the nerve endings in the skin and create the burning sensation. The Scorville scale measures chilli peppers and their products by how much water is required to dilute the capsaicin.  Due to variations in growing conditions, soil and weather, etc, the heat scale can vary between harvests.

Here's a small selection of chilli peppers and their Scorville rating.

Sweet Bell pepper  0
Pimento  100 - 200 
Tuscan peppers  100 - 500
New Mexico pepper  500 - 1,000 
Jalapeño  2,500 - 5,000 
Hot Wax pepper  5,000 - 10,000 
Tabasco pepper   30,000 - 50,000 
Thai pepper   50,000 - 100,000
Habanero  100,000 - 350,000
Caribbean Red  120,000 - 400,000
Ghost Chilli   800,000 - 1,041,000
Common Pepper spray  2,000,000
Police grade Pepper spray  5,300,000
Homodihydrocapsaicin  8,600,000
Nordihydrocapsaicin  9,100,000
Pure Capsaicin  16,000,000

Capsaicinoids are not soluble in water, but very soluble in fats, oils and alcohol, this is why drinking water won't stop the burn.  To get some relief from a chilli burn, drink milk or eat ice-cream. Milk contains casein, a substance that surrounds and washes away the fatty capsaicin molecules the same way that soap washes away grease.

When you eat chilli you experience the burn as the capsaicin binds to receptors in your mouth, but the rest of the gastro intestinal tract are not lined with the same receptors and hence you do not experience burning as the hot meal makes its way through you.  Capsaicin is not broken down completely by digestion so what exits through the back door still contains a reasonable amount of the chemical. 

Where the intestinal tract ends (you know which part I'm talking about) there are large numbers of nerve receptors which is why you get ring burn the following day.  If it gets too bad you could make yourself an icecream enema.  But the important thing is that  you don't start dragging your arse around on the dining room carpet like your pet.

Fire Demons!

After much research (well ok just a little bit) I have come to the conclusion that fire is alive!

It consumes (and requires) a fuel source to exist and leaves behind waste, it grows, it needs oxygen to breathe, it moves from one place to another, it can make baby fires, and dies. It could be argued that fire is just a bunch of chemical reactions, but I argue back that so are you. At the most basic level, living things like plants and animals are just self-sustaining chemical reactions, same as fire.

There is actually no unilateral agreed upon definition of life, but Generally there are considered to be seven traits something has to have to be considered to be alive. I'd like to point out that certain organisms, already accepted as being alive, don't have all seven of these traits.

The Seven Traits for Life:
1. Reactivity to the environment. Fires reacts more distinctly to differing environments than many microbes.
2. Ingestion of substance for energy to function. Yep.
3. Reproduction. Like asexual microbes fire can create offspring from its self.
4. Respiration. Fire requires oxygen, without oxygen it dies just like other forms of respiration. Some microbes don't actually respire anyway.
5. Emission of wastes. Yes, waste is produced from the consumption of fuels.
6. Internal Movement. Yes lots.
7. Cellular Structure. No, but neither do viruses which are generally considered to be some form of life.

See, fire is life Jim but not as we know it.  Fire is not so much extraterrestiral and alien life as it is primordial, and elemental.  It's dawn of time ancient. What sort of life is that?  A demon that's what! A fire demon!

In conclusion: Fire demons are real.