Sim Matrix

Ever played the sims?  Mathematical knowledge is unlike any other knowledge, its truths are objective not subjective and independent of human bias. Maths appears to be an underlying level to the universe that determines it's rules and laws. But how and why are we able to access this immaterial level to reality?

 

One possibility is that we live in a computer simulation based on the laws of mathematics not actually in what we perceive to be the real world.  According to this theory, some highly advanced computer programmer has devised this simulation, and we are unknowingly part of it. Thus when we discover a mathematical truth, we simply discover aspects of the code being used.

 

As strange as it may sound, we may in fact be more likely to be in such a simulation than not. If such complex simulations are possible, then eventually people will create them and presumably many of them. If this is so, in time there will be many more simulated worlds than non-simulated ones, so statistically we are more likely to be living in a simulated world than the real one.

 

Are we ready to take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole goes?

 

 

In a recent paper, Constraints on the Universe as a Numerical Simulation, the physicists Silas R. Beane, Zohreh Davoudi and Martin J. Savage outline a possible method for detecting if our world is actually a computer simulation. Physicists have been creating their own computer simulations for years, on a tiny scale. They use a three-dimensional grid to model a minute chunk of the universe, then they run the program to see what happens. This way, they have been able to simulate the motion and collisions of elementary atomic particles.

 

But these computer simulations generate slight but distinctive anomalies. Could we be able to detect these same distinctive anomalies in the actual universe? In their paper, they suggest that a closer look at cosmic rays, those high-energy particles coming to Earth's atmosphere from outside the solar system, may reveal similar asymmetries.  If so, this would indicate that we may ourselves be in someone else's computer simulation.  But whose?

Do you think that's oxygen you're breathing?

Building Daleks

We're building daleks!

 

Researcher Kevin Warwick, a former cyborg, from the University of Reading, has been working on creating organic neural networks that can control machines.  He and his team have taken cultured brain cells from rats and used them as the guidance control circuit for simple wheeled robots.
 

 

Electrical impulses from the robot (or travel machine) part of the rat-dalek enter the cluster of neurons, and responses from the brain cells are turned into commands for the device.  The intelligence of these daleks are very basic, the brain cluster control primarily helps the robot to avoid walls.  Where it gets really interesting is that the cells can form new connections and this obstacle avoidance often shows clear improvement over time, demonstrating true learning ability on the part of the dalek.


 

 

Current cultures of neurons have about 100,000 cells, but only a small fraction are actually involved in controlling the robot circuits at any given time. Research teams continually find new ways to increase the size and response of these cultures, as well as how long they can survive. Eventually, we’ll have a dalek brain that will be able to accomplish much, much more.  Perhaps we are just a shrill voice synthesis and a death ray away from a true tantrum throwing salt and pepper shaker seeing our extermination.

 

 

 

"Primitive but undeniably a dalek" - Tom Baker as Dr Who, Genesis of the Daleks.

 



Electromagnetic Immorality

Some time ago I posted about how magnets on your left temporal lobe can make you more artistic, but that opens up the question: what happens if you put the super magnet on the right temporal lobe?  Well you disrupt the brains moral compass that's what.

 

Want to make somebody lose her belief that harming somebody else is wrong? All you have to do is stick super magnets in the right side of their hat.  Using a technique called transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), in which magnets are used to disrupt neural activity in specific parts of the brain, scientists managed to "turn off" people's moral centres. 

 

Researcher Liane Young and colleagues applied transcranial magnetic stimulation  to disrupt neural activity in an area of the brain known to process information about beliefs and then asked twenty subjects to rate actions on a scale from one (morally forbidden) to seven (morally permissible). The researchers report that study participants judged actions in which a person believes he or she will cause harm to another person-but fails to do so-were more morally permissible during TMS application to the brain region responsible for processing beliefs, compared to when TMS was not applied, or applied to other brain regions.

 

Now we can see why most supervillan minions have elaborate headgear as part of their uniform.  In addition to making a bold fashion statement, having a switch to turn both creativity and moral reasoning on or off on a whim, built in to your employees uniforms has its distinct possibilities.  In other words, if you need an army of minions willing to kill for you without hesitation, you're going to need a lot of magnets. 

Grandma Werewolf

The origins of the Little Red Riding Hood story can be traced to various versions across Europe, however, It may have even earlier origins in the Chinese tale "Grandaunt Tiger".  In the 10th century it was being told by French peasants, and by Italian peasants in 14th century. A common title was "La finta nonna" (The False Grandmother). It has also been known as "The Story of Grandmother".

 

These early variations of the tale are often nothing like the happy disneyfied tripe most of us know today, the antagonist is often a "bzou" (werewolf) or sometimes even an ogre. The tale is relevant to the werewolf-trials of the time (similar to the later witch trials) and has notable sexual references, not the least of which is the rampant, horny, wild dog.  Sometimes in these versions there's no "red hood" and they usually feature the wolf leaving the grandmother’s blood and meat for the girl to eat and drink.  Little Red unwittingly cannibalises her own grandmother before Wolfie asks her to remove her clothes and throw them in the fire.  In some versions, the wolf eats the girl after the implied sex, and the story ends there.  In other versions, she escapes by saying that she needs to poo and does not want to do it in the bed so Wolfie lets her go outside.

 

The earliest known printed version "Le Petit Chaperon Rouge" (Little Red Riding Hood), was written in the 17th century for the French court of King Louis XIV.  The story describes its subject as an "attractive, well-bred young lady".  The village girl is deceived into telling the wolf how to find her grandmother's house.  Wolfie eats the old woman, then waits for Red.  There's the whole get undressed and into bed thing before he eats her and there is no happy ending.  Except maybe for Wolfie.

 

In the 19th century advances in printing methods led to the rise of the children's book industry, and Victorian editors continued altering fairy tales to make them suitable for younger and younger children wherein the woodsman hero saving the day was added.  Later again, particularly in American versions, the Grandmother hides from the wolf in the cupboard.  All versions, modern and old, make the contrast between the safety of the village and the dangers of the forest and have a stranger danger theme, sometimes mixed with a coming of age theme too.  The origin of the cloaks red colour is usually taken as a menstrual blood symbol.

 

 

Here's a brief written version from some time in the early 18th century:

 

The Story of Grandmother (by Unknown)

 

There was once a woman who had some bread, and she said to her daughter: "You are going to carry a hot loaf and a bottle of milk to your grandmother.
The little girl departed. At the crossroads she met the bzou who said to her: "Where are you going?"
"I'm taking a hot loaf and a bottle of milk to my grandmother."
"What road are you taking," said the bzou, "the Needles Road or the Pins Road?"
"The Needles Road," said the little girl.
"Well, I shall take the Pins Road."
The little girl enjoyed herself picking up needles. Meanwhile the bzou arrived at her grandmother's, killed her, put some of her flesh in the pantry and a bottle of her blood on the shelf. The little girl arrived and knocked at the door.
"Push the door," said the bzou, "it's closed with a wet straw."
"Hello Grandmother; I'm bringing you a hot loaf and a bottle of milk."
"Put them in the pantry. You eat the meat that's in it and drink a bottle of wine on the shelf."
As she ate there was a little cat that said: "A slut is she who eats the flesh and drinks the blood of her grandmother!"

"Undress, my child," said the bzou, "and come and sleep beside me."
"Where should I put my apron?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my bodice?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my dress?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my skirt?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my hose?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Oh, Grandmother, how hairy you are!"
"It's to keep me warmer, my child"
"Oh, Grandmother, those long nails you have!"
"It's to scratch me better, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, those big shoulders that you have!"
"All the better to carry kindling from the woods, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, those big ears that you have!"
"All the better to hear you with, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, that big mouth you have!"
"All the better to eat you with, my child!"
"Oh, Grandmother, I need to go outside to relieve myself."
"Do it in the bed, my child."
"No, Grandmother, I want to go outside." 
 "All right, but don't stay long."
The bzou tied a woollen thread to her foot and let her go out, and when the girl was outside she tied the end of the string to a big plum tree in the yard. The bzou got impatient and said:
"Are you making cables?" (defecating)

When he became aware that no one answered him, he jumped out of bed and saw that the little girl had escaped. He followed her, but her arrived at her house just at the moment she was safely inside.

Frankenburgers

"Fifty years hence, we shall escape the absurdity of growing a whole chicken in order to eat the breast or wing, by growing these parts separately under a suitable medium."

- Winston Churchill (in 1936)

In vitro meat, also known as cultured meat, cruelty-free meat, test tube meat, tubesteak, or shmeat, is an animal flesh product that has never been part of a complete, living animal. Alternative names include hydroponic meat, vat-grown meat, victimless meat, vitro meat and Frankenmeat. Though it should not be confused with imitation meat, which is a vegetarian food product produced from vegetable proteins like as soy or gluten.

 

 

As early as 2000, researchers from the Tissue Culture & Art Project located at the University of Western Australia in Perth began research into in vitro meat. NASA has been conducting experiments since 2001, producing in vitro meat from turkey cells. In 2005, NASA conducted cultured meat research for space food. The first edible form was produced by the NSR/Touro Applied BioScience Research Consortium in 2002: goldfish cells grown to resemble fish fillets.  As early as 2008, some scientists claimed that the technology was ready for commercial use and simply needed corporate backing.  In November 2009, scientists from the Netherlands announced they had managed to grow meat in the laboratory using the cells from a live pig.  In February 2012, scientists at Maastricht University announced plans to produce sausage by March.

 

Over 30 laboratories across the world are working on cruelty-free meat, although none has yet been produced for public consumption.  The technology is simultaneously being developed along with human medical uses and an identical process is being researched to develope cultured leather products.  Most meat is animal muscle. The process of developing vitro meat involves taking muscle cells and applying a protein that helps the cells to grow into large portions of meat.  In the process, a matrix of collagen is seeded with muscle cells, which are then bathed in a nutritious solution and induced to divide.  Once the initial cells have been obtained, additional animals would not be needed, much like yogurt cultures.  Assuming that the proper materials are used and conditions remain ideal, two months of vat-grown meat production could deliver up to 50,000 tons of meat from ten pork muscle cells. Theoretically, one animal could provide more than a billion pounds of in vitro meat to feed the world's population for several hundred years.

 

Because this Frankenmeat has yet to be placed on the market, the health risks have not yet been fully investigated.  The aim is to produce healthier meat than conventional meat, most notably by reducing its fat content and controlling nutrients. Researchers have suggested that omega-3 fatty acids could be added, and as a bonus there will be no choking on chicken bones. Hydroponic meat does not necessarily involve genetic engineering, in fact, the cells involved are natural cells which would grow in the normal method.  An issue of Time magazine has suggested that the in vitro process may also decrease exposure of the meat to bacteria and disease. 

 

 

Due to the strictly controlled and predictable environments of shmeat farming, it is predicted that there will be reduced exposure to dangerous chemicals like pesticides and fungicides, severe injuries, and wildlife.  A study by researchers at Oxford and the University of Amsterdam found that in vitro meat was "potentially ... much more efficient and environmentally-friendly", generating only 4% greenhouse gas emissions, reducing the energy needs of meat generation by up to 45%, and requiring only 2% of the land that the global meat/livestock industry does.

 

Tube meat will initially invade the market in Spam cans, sausages, and frozen burgers.  Presently it's a little expensive for the average consumer, in May 2013 one burger patty was produced for around $325,000, but it is anticipated that the cost will reduce to compete with conventional meat as technologies and it's mass production evolves.  Vat-grown meat can be fashioned from any creature, not just farm animals, even endangered animals like the leather-back sea turtle, or the Sumatran rhinoceros. The future holds that no creature will be off the menu, no matter how rare or exotic.  In fact some scientists believe we will be able to create test tube meat using the DNA of extinct beasts and dine on Jurassic burgers.

 

 

Platinum VIP Call Centre (India)

I recently had some trouble with my Platinum card which says it comes with a VIP help line.  The "VIP" is a lie.  But let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes...

When a company outsources it's help desk, it usually means that an Indian from thousands of miles away will be on the telephone if you have problems with your credit card or need tech support for your new software.  Unknown to the mass consumers is that India is known by the business globe as "the world's back office", employing around half a million people in the outsourcing industry.  The average Indian call centre houses around 1500 graduates technology courses.  All packed in there like refugees on a boat that never exits the country.  Most of them are in their early 20's ...and all trained further in the art of cultural subterfuge.

In hundreds of classrooms across India, instructors from Australia, England and the US have set up courses which serve to neutralise an Indian's accent when speaking on the phone. Weeks of accent-neutralisation classes incorporate a cornucopia of sneaky tools such as, regional dialects, country specific geography and local cultural activities. These trainers sometimes require their students to learn Shakespeare and examine popular caricatures of Indians like Apu from The Simpsons...  It's all part of the ruse to make the customer service rep seem less foreign.  But the deception doesn't stop there. Reps are given daily updates on local events to sneak into the conversation "Did you watch the game last night? I expect you're a maroon supporter, I'm from down South so I'm a blues fan."  See it's all sneaky smoke and mirrors to get you on side.

Because of the time difference between India and the customers they service, Indian employees frequently work graveyard shifts or split shifts.  Employees in these centres deal with an average of one hundred phone calls per shift and not all of them happy individuals. This kind of shift work brings with it a host of health problems: digestive disease, hair loss, back pain, menstrual problems and the list goes on and includes an entirely new condition.  An estimated 60,000 Indians have already started to show signs of a condition known as accent stress.  Everyone has faked an accent at some time or another, but imagine trying to fake an accent for eight to ten hours a day.  It's not just a mental drain, it wears out the throat muscles.

Not surprisingly, the burnout rate is high in Indian call centres, thirty to forty percent of most workers quit within the first year. They are, however, quickly replaced. English speaking young adults in India are clamouring for jobs which can pay over $200 Australian per month.  Imagine that spectacular $50 a week as your pay packet!  Now we can see why my bank thinks outsourcing there is so great.  As it turns out though, India’s call centre success is also becoming it's failing.  As outsourcing continues to grow, fewer and fewer acceptable employees are available. The majority of interviewees are unemployable in call centres due to their English language skills, and if a company is unable to recruit workers at reasonable wages, they lose orders to rival companies sometimes even to overseas in Thailand, China or the Philippines.

So much for VIP Platinum service.  Long story short I got fed up and walked into my local branch, they told me the information the call centre told me was incorrect. Why? Because they are in a completely different country.  VIP service my arse.

Vegetable Sadism

This book delves into the subject of one of the most disturbed personality types known to man: The vegetarian...

Vegetarian personality disorder involves mistrust specifically related to the content of the dinner plate. “Individual thinks that there are pieces of dead animals on his plate…. In advanced stages of the disorder, the individual suspects that there are minuscule animal by-products mixed with his food."

The book finds that vegetarians exhibit "schizoid-like inability to empathise with certain living organisms (usually vegetables)" and "Paranoid and hyper-vigilant preoccupation with the oral zone..."  The hunter who kills animals for meat gives the pursued animal a chance to escape. How more sadistically cruel is the non-meat eater? What is the likelihood that the tranquil carrot can successfully outrun its vicious vegan predator?

Hacking Your Brain

Can't solve that difficult engineering problem? Wish you could draw better? Need to think outside the box? Evil plans not planned so well? Or still haven't learnt to ride without training wheels?

Imagine that with the simple press of a button you could control the operation of your brain to increase the speed, capacity for problem solving or even creativity its self. Imagine if you could achieve this without surgically implanting circuit boards and optical fibre into your skull.

Well you can with magnets!

Using transcranial magnetic stimulation (or TMS), Australian researcher Dr. Allan Snyder tested his hypothesis that some savant and creativity abilities occur because the left hemisphere suppresses and confines the raw impressions of the right hemisphere. Using TMS to suppress the left anterior temporal lobe, Snyder found that subjects become better at drawing, better at estimating the number of dots on a screen, and better at recognising word duplications in proofreading.  Basically he uses magnets to create temporary brain damage and makes people better for it.

Allan Snyder, aside from having a bad sense of fashion, is the director of the Centre for the Mind at the University of Sydney, Australia. You can find out more about his research at: The Centre for The Mind dot com.

Further studies, at the University of Gottingen in Germany, have shown participants given transcranial magnetic stimulation indicate an improvement of around ten percent in learning of motor skills and were three times more likely to solve a difficult, unfamiliar problem than those in a control group. Also some not so top secret investigations into transcranial magnetic stimulation funded by the US military, have lead to plans of flight helmets with a built in devices for the improving of pilot performance with the flick of a switch.

Now you can't just go sticking fridge magnets on your head. You'll look like an idiot and they don't have the magnetic field strength to mess up your brain. What you're going to need is an 70mm electromagnetic butter?y coil with opposing currents in each coil loop, creating a focal magnetic field below the intersection of both coils. The magnetic field intensity should be approximately 2 tesla on the coil surface which will roughly translate to around 0.5 tesla in the brain.  Stimulation is applied for approximately 15 minutes at 1 pulse per second and focused the left anterior temporal lobe area of the brain. If that sounds hard to make, try masquerading as a neurosurgeon, you can just go buy a pre-made one. It's a MagPro magnetic stimulator by Medtronic.

Once you've got your super magnet, you're ready to give yourself the creativity upgrade you’ve been waiting for. Just strap that baby on your head and plug in those kilowatts.

Rasputins Penis

Many legends surround the pilgrim, mystic and faith-healer Grigori Rasputin, one-time advisor to the Romanov family and, as Boney M famously put it, 'Russia's greatest love machine'.  Of all the famous fables, few are quite as entertaining as the stories concerning the hairy monk's sizeable genitalia. Since his assassination in 1916 many people have claimed to have acquired the legendary phallus.

One would think that the Russian mystic and royal advisor was buried with his wedding tackle intact. Well some beg to differ. According to legend (not unlike the Holy Grail) a maid came into possession of the prize privates after Rasputin's death. Some say that Rasputin was castrated by his assassins and that the maid found the dismembered member when cleaning up the mess.  Others claim that she was one of the mad monks many bedtime companions and severed the sausage as a souvenir.

Whatever the truth of the matter, the allegation remains that: Rasputin's penis is at large in the world. And much like it did in its attached state, it is wont to wander.  It next turned up in Paris during the 1920s, where a group of Russian ex-patriates worshipped the wondrous weiner, believing it would bring them fertility.

On finding out about this crazy cult, Marie Rasputin (the mad monks daughter) expressed her disapproval of such goings-on and demanded the return of her dads dipstick.  Then, just when it seemed that the shaft had finally shrunk into obscurity, it popped up again in 1994. A Michael Augustine of California acquired the johnson by accident when he purchased the effects of a Dr. Ripple in 1977. Dr. Ripple had collaborated with Marie Rasputin on a hagiography of her father, and had inherited the wang on her demise. However, after Augustine sold the item in question to Bonham's auction house, tests were done and the suspect organ turned out not to be a penis at all but a sea-cucumber.

The latest twist in the trouser snake saga involves Russian doctor Igor Knyazkin, head physician of the Prostate Centre of Russia's Academy of Sciences. Igor decided to open the nation's first Museum of Erotica in 2004, inside a sexual health clinic, in order to display some of the 15,000 items he has amassed during his time as a sex object collector.  Amongst them is none other than the alleged appendage of the mad monk himself.  Measuring an unsightly 11 inches (nearly 30cm) long, it certainly measures up to the legendary reports of Rasputin's pork sword.  According to his daughter Marie the monks todger stood a throbbing 13 inches when standing at attention. (It’s best not to ask how his daughter became aware of these specific details).

Unfortunately no tests have been conducted on Dr. Knyazkin's pickled pecker, which raises some suspicion, and the general consensus amongst zoologists is that the ostracised organ most likely once belonged to an equine or bovine animal.  Will the real Rasputins Penis please stand up.

Here's Boney M doing there song about Rasputin.  It's a black German dancing as a Russian monk.

In a strange twist of coincidence, Bobby Farrell from Boney M was found dead from heart failure in a hotel room in Saint Petersburg, Russia, where he had been performing at the age of 61 on December 30, 2010.  He died on the anniversary of Rasputin's death which also occurred in St. Petersburg.

Wikidemia

From The Urban Dictionary
Wikidemia

An academic work passed off as scholarly yet researched entirely on Wikipedia.

"An A on my History paper? That's a fine piece of Wikidemia!'