Flying Solo

Sex For One by Betty Dodson.

 

There's not all that much joy.

Twilight Love

Don't use raspberry topping as lubricant.

Spider Disappointment

Spiderman never scores.  Not even with street girls.

Romantic Sounds

Romantica by Martin Denny and his lush and exotic sounds for the Valentine month.

The original 1961 LP cover was replaced with a less creepy version in later re-releases.

 

 

Nude Girls Fighting

Let's Get Fight by SOD, a spin off of the group AKB48

 

 

 

The Japanese are far more honest in their approach to what their audience wants to see when it comes to watching music video clips.

 



Norwegian Swag

Jakes Leg

Too soon?

Pretty Pussies

My Big Book of Pretty Pussies.

 

No. It's about cats.  Not what you were thinking of.

Solid Ham

Solid Gold Hammond by Harry Stoneham.

I'm divided whether I should comment on her being turned on by his solid gold organ, or if she's getting a bit of his stone-hard ham.

Went Down

 

That's not something you should be worried about.

 

...or be telling your Mother about.

 

 

Santas Little Redhead

A special double Christmas edition of the monthly book cover, Book One and Two of The Santa Claus Chronicles by Robert Devereaux.  Santa Steps Out and Santa Claus Conquers The Homophobes.

On the cover of Santa Steps Out, Santa is "stepping out" with a fiery redheaded woman in the embers of her fireplace. It is a well documented fact that Santa (much like Satan) is quite fire resistant. The same can not be said for the smouldering redhead who is already showing signs of burning and may well burst into flames at any moment.



The cover of Santa Claus Conquers The Homophobes depicts yet another naked redheaded woman who has the power of financial defecation.  Not necessarily the greatest power to possess, but probably not the worst, especially in difficult economic times.  Red relieves herself on the belly of a pregnant woman as Santa watches proudly. This may be the same redheaded woman he "stepped out with" in the previous book and imbibed her with his magical spirit of charity and giving. Which would go a long way towards explaining why she can poo gold coins.  Hopefully they are gold coins and not those foil wrapped chocolate ones popular at Christmas time, especially considering their place of manufacture.

Maria Knows

Marias Addiction

Grandma Werewolf

The origins of the Little Red Riding Hood story can be traced to various versions across Europe, however, It may have even earlier origins in the Chinese tale "Grandaunt Tiger".  In the 10th century it was being told by French peasants, and by Italian peasants in 14th century. A common title was "La finta nonna" (The False Grandmother). It has also been known as "The Story of Grandmother".

 

These early variations of the tale are often nothing like the happy disneyfied tripe most of us know today, the antagonist is often a "bzou" (werewolf) or sometimes even an ogre. The tale is relevant to the werewolf-trials of the time (similar to the later witch trials) and has notable sexual references, not the least of which is the rampant, horny, wild dog.  Sometimes in these versions there's no "red hood" and they usually feature the wolf leaving the grandmother’s blood and meat for the girl to eat and drink.  Little Red unwittingly cannibalises her own grandmother before Wolfie asks her to remove her clothes and throw them in the fire.  In some versions, the wolf eats the girl after the implied sex, and the story ends there.  In other versions, she escapes by saying that she needs to poo and does not want to do it in the bed so Wolfie lets her go outside.

 

The earliest known printed version "Le Petit Chaperon Rouge" (Little Red Riding Hood), was written in the 17th century for the French court of King Louis XIV.  The story describes its subject as an "attractive, well-bred young lady".  The village girl is deceived into telling the wolf how to find her grandmother's house.  Wolfie eats the old woman, then waits for Red.  There's the whole get undressed and into bed thing before he eats her and there is no happy ending.  Except maybe for Wolfie.

 

In the 19th century advances in printing methods led to the rise of the children's book industry, and Victorian editors continued altering fairy tales to make them suitable for younger and younger children wherein the woodsman hero saving the day was added.  Later again, particularly in American versions, the Grandmother hides from the wolf in the cupboard.  All versions, modern and old, make the contrast between the safety of the village and the dangers of the forest and have a stranger danger theme, sometimes mixed with a coming of age theme too.  The origin of the cloaks red colour is usually taken as a menstrual blood symbol.

 

 

Here's a brief written version from some time in the early 18th century:

 

The Story of Grandmother (by Unknown)

 

There was once a woman who had some bread, and she said to her daughter: "You are going to carry a hot loaf and a bottle of milk to your grandmother.
The little girl departed. At the crossroads she met the bzou who said to her: "Where are you going?"
"I'm taking a hot loaf and a bottle of milk to my grandmother."
"What road are you taking," said the bzou, "the Needles Road or the Pins Road?"
"The Needles Road," said the little girl.
"Well, I shall take the Pins Road."
The little girl enjoyed herself picking up needles. Meanwhile the bzou arrived at her grandmother's, killed her, put some of her flesh in the pantry and a bottle of her blood on the shelf. The little girl arrived and knocked at the door.
"Push the door," said the bzou, "it's closed with a wet straw."
"Hello Grandmother; I'm bringing you a hot loaf and a bottle of milk."
"Put them in the pantry. You eat the meat that's in it and drink a bottle of wine on the shelf."
As she ate there was a little cat that said: "A slut is she who eats the flesh and drinks the blood of her grandmother!"

"Undress, my child," said the bzou, "and come and sleep beside me."
"Where should I put my apron?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my bodice?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my dress?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my skirt?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my hose?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Oh, Grandmother, how hairy you are!"
"It's to keep me warmer, my child"
"Oh, Grandmother, those long nails you have!"
"It's to scratch me better, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, those big shoulders that you have!"
"All the better to carry kindling from the woods, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, those big ears that you have!"
"All the better to hear you with, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, that big mouth you have!"
"All the better to eat you with, my child!"
"Oh, Grandmother, I need to go outside to relieve myself."
"Do it in the bed, my child."
"No, Grandmother, I want to go outside." 
 "All right, but don't stay long."
The bzou tied a woollen thread to her foot and let her go out, and when the girl was outside she tied the end of the string to a big plum tree in the yard. The bzou got impatient and said:
"Are you making cables?" (defecating)

When he became aware that no one answered him, he jumped out of bed and saw that the little girl had escaped. He followed her, but her arrived at her house just at the moment she was safely inside.

Wonder Ham

Because Nazis aren't that fussy when they are after a pork.

Sith Handshake

Pushing & Touching Maria

Dildo Island

Dildo Cay by Nelson Hayes.

 

 

Although they form from sand on the surface of a coral reef, a cay (or key) can become a habitable and agriculturally rich island for hundreds of thousands of people.

 

But what's important to know is that Dildo Island is a real place!

 

Dildo Island is an island in the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labrador. It is the largest of three islands located at the entrance to Dildo Arm in the bottom of Trinity Bay, off the coast of the neighbouring town of Dildo.  The locals even run Dildo Island adventure tours for people open minded enough to experiment.

 

 

In 1995, an archaeological excavation discovered Dorset artefacts dated to between 150AD and 750AD on Dildo Island. It is believed that these people camped on Dildo Island for the purpose of seal hunting or possibly swinging.

 

 

 

Gonad Restaurant

Guo Li Zhuang restaurant is the sort of place where you won't be surprised to find a bone in your soup.  The establishment erected it's open sign in 2006, offering all kinds of dishes with animal genitalia as the primary ingredient.  Many Chinese believe animal penises increase male potency and do wonders for women’s skin.  Word about the anatomical wonders served at the restaurant spread quickly, and there are now four franchised locations throughout Beijing and one in Atlanta’s Chinatown.  The name of the restaurant is derived from homophones of the family name of its founder (Guo), the family name of his wife (Li), as well as the nickname of his son (Zhuang) and translates as "the strength inside the pot".

 

The Guo Li Zhuang plates up private parts of a wide variety of species from testicular delights of the dog, the dork of the donkey and the placenta of the deer, to the trouser snake of the snake and the cock of the cock to name but a few.  The dishes include traditional medicinal secrets passed down in the Guo family and are often given poetic names such as The Essence of the Golden Buddha, Phoenix Rising, Jasmine Flowers with 1000 Layers, Look for the Treasure in the Desert Sand, Head crowned with a Jade Bracelet, and Dragon in the Flame of Desire.  In addition to the mouth watering genitals, the restaurant also carries such rare delicacies as stewed deer face, sheep foetus in brown garlic sauce, and peacock claws.

 

 

So if you're in the neighbourhood and looking for a hot meal with a sex pot, don’t' go South for sushi, go down to Guo Li Zhuang restaurant for a mouth watering meal you can blow your own horn about later.  Also, just in case you were wondering, none of the five locations have a head chef called Wang.

 

 

Optimus is Primed

That's taking their relationship to new levels.  Just so long as no one thinks they are robosexuals.