An Excess of Farrisses

If you listen to the song I Need You Tonight by INXS you'll realise it's about plastic surgery addiction.  One of the lines is clearly:

"Your boobs are so long
   They've got to hit your nose"

 

The lyrics to Biting Bullets have something to do with aquatic mythological battles in the lines:
"Fighting mermaids,
   fighting around!!"

While the lyrics to the song Mystify are clearly a reference to lead singer Michael Hutchence hiding behind his hotel door:
"Mister find, Mister find me
   Mister find, Mister find me"

 

 

The origins of the band that was later to become INXS, began in 1977 with Andrew Farriss convincing his fellow High School classmate, Michael Hutchence, to join his band called Doctor Dolphin.  It was a terrible name but even at this early age, Hutchence enjoyed playing with his pink dolphin.  With three Farriss brothers in the now seven piece band (Andrew, Jon and Tim) they decided to rename themselves as The Farriss Brothers.

 

 

In 1978, The parents of the Farriss boys relocated to Perth, taking Jon to continue his schooling and, as soon as Hutchence and Andrew finished school, the rest of the band followed.  In Perth, for some inexplicable reason, they briefly performed as The Vegetables, singing "We Are the Vegetables", before returning to Sydney ten months later.

 

At a chance meeting in a Sydney pub car park, Tim was approached by Gary Morris, the manager of Midnight Oil. The band began to regularly support Midnight Oil and other local bands again under the name The Ferris Brothers during which time Morris advised that a member of Midnight Oils crew had come up with a less crappy band name and he suggested they change it.  The name INXS was inspired by English band XTC and Australian jam makers IXL.

 

Vegetable Sadism

This book delves into the subject of one of the most disturbed personality types known to man: The vegetarian...

Vegetarian personality disorder involves mistrust specifically related to the content of the dinner plate. “Individual thinks that there are pieces of dead animals on his plate…. In advanced stages of the disorder, the individual suspects that there are minuscule animal by-products mixed with his food."

The book finds that vegetarians exhibit "schizoid-like inability to empathise with certain living organisms (usually vegetables)" and "Paranoid and hyper-vigilant preoccupation with the oral zone..."  The hunter who kills animals for meat gives the pursued animal a chance to escape. How more sadistically cruel is the non-meat eater? What is the likelihood that the tranquil carrot can successfully outrun its vicious vegan predator?

Vegitable Slaughterer

Some would say vegetarian is an old Native American word meaning lousy hunter.  Disappointingly, that's not in fact true.  A vegetarian is someone who slaughters and kills fruits, and vegetables for the enjoyment of eating them.  Most people believe the word is derived from the word vegetable but in fact the word was coined by the founders of the British Vegetarian Society in 1842 and comes from the Latin word vegetus, meaning fresh or lively.  The word implies a mentally and physically vigorous person and a balanced lifestyle, not just a lack of meat.

The earliest records of vegetarianism come from ancient India and ancient Greece in the 6th century BC. The diet was closely connected with the idea of non-violence towards animals and was promoted by religious groups and philosophers.  Later vegetarianism fell out of fashion in Europe although in the middle ages  Several orders of European monks practised it for ascetic reasons, but none of them eschewed fish.  The medieval definition of "fish" included all water living animals such as: seals, porpoises, dolphins, barnacle geese, puffins, and beavers.  Yes, medieval vegetarians feasted on the flesh of dolphins and cuddly seals.

The word vegan was originally derived from the first three and last two letters of the word vegetarian in 1944 when people, frustrated at the inclusion of dairy in vegetarian diets, formed the UK Vegan Society.  A popular tattoo for vegans appears to be the word "VEGAN" inside their lower lip.  Ironically the vast majority of tattoo ink brands use animal glycerins.  Also one of the most commonly used ink pigments is derived from animal bones.

...and there they put it, inside their mouths.

The Smell of Grass Screaming

When attacked, plants release airborne chemical compounds, plants use these compounds almost like language.  The lovely scent of cut grass is the reek of your lawn screaming in agony.  Grass sheared off and left drying on the lawn releases up to 10 times more compounds as the cut grass still rooted in the ground.  To look at it another way, it’s screaming harder and louder.

Plants talk with these airborne compounds, signalling danger to other nearby, downwind plants.  The plants down wind respond in turn by preparing defences by increasing production of chemicals that caused their leaves to taste vile to insects.  Like a stinky Chinese whisper, the down wind plants often pass on this message even further down wind with chemicals of their own.

German scientists studying a wild tobacco plants have noticed that the compounds it releases are very specific.  When the plants are infested by caterpillars, the plants release a chemical that attract specific predatory bugs that eat the specific caterpillars attacking the plant.  The signal they send out can vary depending on the attack they are suffering.  So not only are the plants stinking in agony, they are screaming for a specific type of creature they know will help.

What this means is that vegetarianism is in fact more cruel than carnivoreism.  The thing to keep in mind is that plants are very different to animals.  If someone cuts your legs off, your legs don’t live long on their own.  Plants are different, the carrot you are about to throw in the cooking pot often lives for weeks in crisper draw with out it’s stalk and leaves, despite being away from soil and sun.  Generally speaking when you eat an animal, you kill it first.  However all the high and mighty vegetarians chomp and mangle away at defenceless living fruit and veggies without a second thought.  So if you enjoy the smell of steaming vegetables, keep in mind you are revelling in the screaming stench of some plants traumatic death.

It’s a possibility that plants may have an alien form of consciousness completely different to animals.  While you may not hear your lawns distress calls over the roar of your 140cc mower, your shrubs could still be plotting revenge on you for it.