Buddha by Christmas

This year not a Christmas book but a book titled Buddhism by , oddly, a man called Christmas Humphreys.

 

 

Christmas Humphreys was a British barrister who prosecuted several controversial cases in the 1940s and 1950s, and later became a judge at the Central Criminal Court, more commonly known as "the Old Bailey".  He wrote a numerous works on Buddhism and founded what became the London Buddhist Society in 1924. His former home in St John's Wood, London, is now a Buddhist temple.  Humphreys was also president of the Shakespeare Fellowship, a position to which he was elected in 1955. The Fellowship advanced the theory that the plays generally attributed to Shakespeare were in fact the work of Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford.

 

"Christmas Humphreys was on the bench. Nice fellow, you must know him – a little bloke, wears a wig, you can see the join if you look closely." - Tony Hancock.

Psycho Santa

 

 

The Night Santa Went Crazy by Weird Al Yankovic.

 

Christmas Wreck

Here's the template to make your own!

Click to make bigger.

You Shal Not Password

 

 

That's No Moon

It's the best seat in the house.

Marvin Sings

This months LP is not an LP but two singles: Marvin as well as The Double B Side.

Not to be confused with the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy theme music (a condensed version of Journey Of The Sorcerer by The Eagles) the Marvin singles were produced by John Sinclair. John was a friend of Stephen Moore (The voice of Marvin in the radio and TV series). They worked together on the songs (Douglas Adams was credited but wasn't involve in the writing of the songs).

The first single, Marvin was released in June 1981 on Polydor Records and included Marvin and Metal Man. The single reached number 52 in the British charts. The second single called The Double B Side consisted of Reasons to be Miserable and Marvin I Love You. This second single wasn't as successful as the first one, and a third single (which included a Christmas song!) was recorded but never released.

 

For the Hitchhiker movie's soundtrack, a new version of Reasons to be Miserable was recorded by Stephen Fry (singing in the third-person).  In the Hitchhikers radio series Marvin sings a lullaby commonly known as How I Hate the Night or Marvin's Lullaby (not to b confused with Marvin's Lullaby from the TV series How I Met Your Mother).  The lullaby was published in the book Life, the Universe and Everything, in which it is described as "a short dolorous ditty of no tone, or indeed tune."

 

"Now the world has gone to bed
Darkness won't engulf my head
I can see by infra-red
How I hate the night

Now I lay me down to sleep
Try to count electric sheep
Sweet dream wishes you can keep
How I hate the night"

The line "try to count electric sheep" is a reference to Philip K. Dick's novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, which inspired the movie Blade Runner.  According to Don't Panic: The Official Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Companion, Douglas Adams wrote a guitar tune for the lullaby, and thought it should have been released.  I think I agree.  In the radio series, Stephen Moore sings the words to a tune resembling Abendsegen from Engelbert Humperdinck's opera Hansel and Gretel.

The British group Radiohead named their 1997 song Paranoid Android after Marvin.  The Spanish electronic music producer Daniel Canelo named his musical project The Happy Marvin Project also in reference to the character.  The German band Pastell used Marvin's lullaby as the basis for their song Marvin, a tribute to Marvin. As it happened, the first public playing of the song was just after Douglas Adams left the earth so the song seemed to take on somewhat of a new meaning.

Here's Pastells Marvin, a tribute to Marvin:

 

"Life. Don't talk to me about life."

Dwarf Pie

Chuck Cunninghams Revenge

The Cunningham Equations by G.C. Edmonson & C.M. Kotlan.

 

 

Charles "Chuck" Cunningham, the eldest son of Howard and Marion Cunningham, older brother of Richie and Joanie, college student and basketball player, disappeared with little explanation early in the second season of Happy Days.  His Mother dismisses mention of him just the once by saying he's gone off to college.  Chuck was never seen, heard from, or mentioned again.  His Father completely denies his existence in later episodes mentioning how proud he is of his only two children (Richie and Joanie).

 

After Chucks bitter ostracization from the Cunningham family and his parents refusal to accept his homosexual life choices.  he vowed his revenge.  He spent his time in isolation developing a software system capable of transferring his army of genetically engineered, insectoid abductors through the internet.  His victims, enticed by the promise of greater intelligence and success, being processed as food for his ever expanding insectoid legion.

Temperature Fish Hat

Misheard lyrics from Sean Pauls Temperature.

 

Actually I think these may be the correct official lyrics.

Sean Paul doesn't even come from Angola.

Ford Models

Norwegian Swag

Capricorn Surprise

Some questions are best left unanswered.

Murder and Music

Helter Stupid by Negativland.  Released in 1989 it was their third concept album.

 

The first half of the album is composed of the tracks "Prologue" and "Helter Stupid". The two together form an extended piece lasting over 22 minutes. The concept, and some of the sampled material, came from a San Francisco television news program that was taken in by a media hoax perpetrated by Negativland while promoting its previous album, Escape from Noise. Other samples used included those from Rev. Estus Pirkle (further samples from the same sermon used in the band's signature song, "Christianity Is Stupid"), an interview with Charles Manson, and "Helter Skelter" by The Beatles.

 

  

Parts of the "Perfect Cut" tracks on Side 2 draw from samples of "The Winning Score", a 1977 presentation by TM Century, producers of radio jingles and imaging.

In 2000, the band Chumbawamba, in reply to the EP The ABCs of Anarchism, used this album as one of their main sampling sources of WYSIWYG.

 

Party Disaster

WWZ

Halloween again. So I watched World War Z the other night.
This was my first thought:

Shades of Sea Green

Cthulhu Coloring Book by Amy Crook

 

 

Here's the inside preview:

 

 

Available here through Etsy.

 

 

Sausage Samba

By Friendly Rich & The Lollipop People, the first single from the 2014 full length release "Bountiful".

 

 

"The regulated sausage
 Is made from
 Gypsy meat
 From the Jean Talon market.

 

 Mortadella meat
 Is dead donkey.

 Mortadella meat
 Is dead donkey.
 

 Pigs are bacon
 Cows are veal
 The tenderloin is lean.

 

 Pigs are bacon
 Cows are veal
…And you’re my Schnitzel Queen.

 Pigs are bacon
 Cows are veal
 The tenderloin is lean.

 

 Pigs are bacon
 Cows are veal
…And you’re my Schnitzel Queen.

 Pigs are bacon
 Cows are veal
 The tenderloin is lean.

 

 Pigs are bacon
 Cows are veal
…And you’re my Schnitzel Queen.

 

 When it’s all said and done
 We all become our father’s father
 Genetic code is cut from genes, why do we even bother?

 

 We all get wrapped so tightly in our very own intestines
 Every man is destined for the same fate in the end.

 It’s a cruel cruel world
 Full of cruel cruel girls and boys.

 It’s a cruel cruel world
 Full of cruel cruel girls and boys.
 

 It’s a cruel cruel world
 Full of cruel cruel girls and boys."

Here's the link out: Friendly Rich.

Two Infinities

Tidy Meal

Genius.

Public Preening

Thanks for that one Mitch.

Sci-Fi Action

I have no idea what this LP is about...

...It's from Japan.

Super Squirts

Sharpening Skills

How To Sharpen Pencils by David Rees.

Yes it's a real book....

 

 

See.

 

Cello Wars

Cello Wars by The Piano Guys.

 

 

The Piano Guys official site.

 

 

Genuine Buddy

 



Battle Umbrella

The Unbreakable® Umbrella made by real Self-Defence, is the secret agent tool you've been waiting to for.  Just as strong as a steel pipe but only weighing between 590g & 822 g (depending on the model).  With has no unusual parts, no more metal than an average umbrella, it does not arouse suspicion, can be carried legally everywhere, unlike a walking stick or cane it does not cause strange looks if carried by an able-bodied person, and it even protects against rain! Sadly it won't stop bullets, nor does it spray concussion gas at the twist of the handle.

 

 

Available in three models: telescopic, standard, and premium.  The main difference between the models is in the frame of the umbrella, which is the structure that holds the fabric open, but they share the same “proprietary composite” core shaft.  In other words, all models are equally strong in the whacking department.  Apparently it has become standard issue for the Presidential Security Group of the Philippines. 

 

 

I like the telescopic one the most.  Here's the website link: http://real-self-defense.com/
 

Arrow Backblast

I don't think the Green Arrow has thought this cunning plan through in it's entirety.

Brisk Love

My Mother's Brisket & Other Love Songs by Rick Moranis (Short for Frederick not Richard)

 

The brisket muscles include the superficial and deep pectorals. As cattle do not have collar bones, these muscles support about 60% of the body weight of standing/moving cattle. This requires a significant amount of connective tissue, so the resulting meat must be cooked correctly to tenderize the connective tissue.

 

Brisket can be cooked many ways and is often basted during the cooking process. A tough cut of meat due to the collagen fibres that make up the significant connective tissue in the cut, the brisket is tenderized when the collagen gelatinizes. The fat cap, which is often left attached to the brisket, helps to keep the meat from drying during the prolonged cooking necessary to break down the connective tissue in the meat.

 

But this album has little to do with cooking.

 

 

Wonder Draw

Beam Me Naked

Interworld by Isidore Haiblum.

It appears as though a young, naked Montgomery Scott ("Scotty"), intended to call Interflora, has inadvertently dialled Inerworld and is now being transported across the universe to his surprise.  He's going to regret not wearing pants when he lands on Hoth.

 

Lin Carters brief review of the author and his novel in the corner conjures a William Shatner voiceover.

 

 

A Dwarfs Hole



Diggy Diggy Hole by Yogcast

 

You can get the T-shirt and download it on ITunes is that's what you're into.

10000 Kicks

Flaming Hockey Balls

Pelota Purépecha is hockey for pyromaniacs!  This ancient Mesoamerican version of field hockey uses a flaming ball.  Traditionally played at Purepecha (a Mesoamerica new years) around December 3.  In most places it is usually played in the streets surrounding the squares, with the flaming ball occasionally rolling under or hitting nearby parked cars.

 

The sport takes place in a marked area measuring 35 meters long and 6-8 wide, each team consists of five players armed with sticks, similar to a hockey sticks, called uarhúkua.  While often played during the day, it is predominantly a night time sport where the darkness focuses attention on the fiery sphere being hit up and down the play area ...and sometimes into the spectators.  The zapandukua is the fiery ball of about 15 cm in diameter consisting of a wooden core wrapped ​​with cotton layers and bound with rope, which is then soaked in kerosene and ignited.

 

The games duration is determined by the team captains before.  It may be based on a number of goals or on a time limit.  Traditionally players wear a team coloured bandanna, however, these days it has changed to a coloured sash like belt.  There is no sissy shin padding, gloves or flame retardant fabric.  Basic rules are: Don't be off side at the start.  No pushing other players or grabbing their stick.  Don't kick or step on the ball (or you will burn your foot).  No intentionally stopping the ball with your body (or you may set yourself on fire).

 

Recently, pelota purépecha has started making a comeback as the Mexican government is pushing to revive its ancient past times. In Mexico the Mexican Sports Confederation is printing rule books for this and other ancient games, the confederation is trying to start teams for pelota in schools nationwide. Government instructors are holding seminars to teach the game to school gym teachers and how best to dodge the fiery ball launched by excited, pyromaniac students.

 

Bat Honesty

See.  Women say they want honesty in relationships, but when they get it, they are not happy.

4 Hands

Look Ma! 4 Hands by The Twin Conn Organs.

Four hands certainly come in handy any time you have to handle twin organs, and you have double the chance of a happy ending.

Heoic Munchies

2D Dragon

Nijigen Complex by My Dragon

 

 

Nothing can be said.

 

Official site: Kiryu

 



Poo Cooking

Cooking With Poo by Poo Saiyuud Diwong.

This book leaves a bad taste in my mouth...

Anyway, if you'd like to cook with poo you can take some cooking with poo classes at the cooking with poo school.

Secret Love

It's not even photo shopped!  This changes the dynamics completely!

Native Commerce

Not unlike the chamber of commerce in my country.

Jakes Leg

Too soon?

Good Hand Jives

Music for Hand Jiving from London Records.

Before the internet people had to rely on record stores to supply their fun, and you could purchase a record for any occasion.  Back in the 1950's hand jiving was not just dancing for people too lazy to get up and dance, but was an art form in its self.  Involving a complicated pattern of hand moves and claps at various parts of the body, authentic hand jiving imitates various percussion instruments. Hand jive moves include thigh slapping, cross-wrist slapping, fist pounding, hand clapping, and even hitch hike thumbs. It may some times be mistaken for a highly elaborate version of Pat-a-cake.

 

 

Slap Something

Pretty Pussies

My Big Book of Pretty Pussies.

 

No. It's about cats.  Not what you were thinking of.

Sweep the Leg

Ankle Injuries by Fujiya & Miyagi

 

Ankle Injuries is made entirely with six sided dice! The origins of the band's name (Fujiya & Miyagi) come from a character in the original The Karate Kid movie and a brand of a record player.  The band seems to often sneak in Karate Kid references into many of their songs.