Nazi Buttocks Goblins

Ass Goblins of Auschwitz by Cameron Pierce.

Truly disgusting and offensive.  Should be on everyones must read list.

Robot Band



The worlds heaviest metal band, Compressorhead, performing AC/DCs TNT at a concert in Frankfurt.



 

This three piece band of real robots named Fingers, Bones and Stickboy is here to replace all you meatbag musicians.

 

Here's their official website: compressorheadband.com

 

 

Grandma Werewolf

The origins of the Little Red Riding Hood story can be traced to various versions across Europe, however, It may have even earlier origins in the Chinese tale "Grandaunt Tiger".  In the 10th century it was being told by French peasants, and by Italian peasants in 14th century. A common title was "La finta nonna" (The False Grandmother). It has also been known as "The Story of Grandmother".

 

These early variations of the tale are often nothing like the happy disneyfied tripe most of us know today, the antagonist is often a "bzou" (werewolf) or sometimes even an ogre. The tale is relevant to the werewolf-trials of the time (similar to the later witch trials) and has notable sexual references, not the least of which is the rampant, horny, wild dog.  Sometimes in these versions there's no "red hood" and they usually feature the wolf leaving the grandmother’s blood and meat for the girl to eat and drink.  Little Red unwittingly cannibalises her own grandmother before Wolfie asks her to remove her clothes and throw them in the fire.  In some versions, the wolf eats the girl after the implied sex, and the story ends there.  In other versions, she escapes by saying that she needs to poo and does not want to do it in the bed so Wolfie lets her go outside.

 

The earliest known printed version "Le Petit Chaperon Rouge" (Little Red Riding Hood), was written in the 17th century for the French court of King Louis XIV.  The story describes its subject as an "attractive, well-bred young lady".  The village girl is deceived into telling the wolf how to find her grandmother's house.  Wolfie eats the old woman, then waits for Red.  There's the whole get undressed and into bed thing before he eats her and there is no happy ending.  Except maybe for Wolfie.

 

In the 19th century advances in printing methods led to the rise of the children's book industry, and Victorian editors continued altering fairy tales to make them suitable for younger and younger children wherein the woodsman hero saving the day was added.  Later again, particularly in American versions, the Grandmother hides from the wolf in the cupboard.  All versions, modern and old, make the contrast between the safety of the village and the dangers of the forest and have a stranger danger theme, sometimes mixed with a coming of age theme too.  The origin of the cloaks red colour is usually taken as a menstrual blood symbol.

 

 

Here's a brief written version from some time in the early 18th century:

 

The Story of Grandmother (by Unknown)

 

There was once a woman who had some bread, and she said to her daughter: "You are going to carry a hot loaf and a bottle of milk to your grandmother.
The little girl departed. At the crossroads she met the bzou who said to her: "Where are you going?"
"I'm taking a hot loaf and a bottle of milk to my grandmother."
"What road are you taking," said the bzou, "the Needles Road or the Pins Road?"
"The Needles Road," said the little girl.
"Well, I shall take the Pins Road."
The little girl enjoyed herself picking up needles. Meanwhile the bzou arrived at her grandmother's, killed her, put some of her flesh in the pantry and a bottle of her blood on the shelf. The little girl arrived and knocked at the door.
"Push the door," said the bzou, "it's closed with a wet straw."
"Hello Grandmother; I'm bringing you a hot loaf and a bottle of milk."
"Put them in the pantry. You eat the meat that's in it and drink a bottle of wine on the shelf."
As she ate there was a little cat that said: "A slut is she who eats the flesh and drinks the blood of her grandmother!"

"Undress, my child," said the bzou, "and come and sleep beside me."
"Where should I put my apron?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my bodice?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my dress?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my skirt?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Where should I put my hose?"
"Throw it in the fire, my child; you don't need it any more."
"Oh, Grandmother, how hairy you are!"
"It's to keep me warmer, my child"
"Oh, Grandmother, those long nails you have!"
"It's to scratch me better, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, those big shoulders that you have!"
"All the better to carry kindling from the woods, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, those big ears that you have!"
"All the better to hear you with, my child."
"Oh, Grandmother, that big mouth you have!"
"All the better to eat you with, my child!"
"Oh, Grandmother, I need to go outside to relieve myself."
"Do it in the bed, my child."
"No, Grandmother, I want to go outside." 
 "All right, but don't stay long."
The bzou tied a woollen thread to her foot and let her go out, and when the girl was outside she tied the end of the string to a big plum tree in the yard. The bzou got impatient and said:
"Are you making cables?" (defecating)

When he became aware that no one answered him, he jumped out of bed and saw that the little girl had escaped. He followed her, but her arrived at her house just at the moment she was safely inside.

Wonder Ham

Because Nazis aren't that fussy when they are after a pork.

Sith Handshake

Frankenburgers

"Fifty years hence, we shall escape the absurdity of growing a whole chicken in order to eat the breast or wing, by growing these parts separately under a suitable medium."

- Winston Churchill (in 1936)

In vitro meat, also known as cultured meat, cruelty-free meat, test tube meat, tubesteak, or shmeat, is an animal flesh product that has never been part of a complete, living animal. Alternative names include hydroponic meat, vat-grown meat, victimless meat, vitro meat and Frankenmeat. Though it should not be confused with imitation meat, which is a vegetarian food product produced from vegetable proteins like as soy or gluten.

 

 

As early as 2000, researchers from the Tissue Culture & Art Project located at the University of Western Australia in Perth began research into in vitro meat. NASA has been conducting experiments since 2001, producing in vitro meat from turkey cells. In 2005, NASA conducted cultured meat research for space food. The first edible form was produced by the NSR/Touro Applied BioScience Research Consortium in 2002: goldfish cells grown to resemble fish fillets.  As early as 2008, some scientists claimed that the technology was ready for commercial use and simply needed corporate backing.  In November 2009, scientists from the Netherlands announced they had managed to grow meat in the laboratory using the cells from a live pig.  In February 2012, scientists at Maastricht University announced plans to produce sausage by March.

 

Over 30 laboratories across the world are working on cruelty-free meat, although none has yet been produced for public consumption.  The technology is simultaneously being developed along with human medical uses and an identical process is being researched to develope cultured leather products.  Most meat is animal muscle. The process of developing vitro meat involves taking muscle cells and applying a protein that helps the cells to grow into large portions of meat.  In the process, a matrix of collagen is seeded with muscle cells, which are then bathed in a nutritious solution and induced to divide.  Once the initial cells have been obtained, additional animals would not be needed, much like yogurt cultures.  Assuming that the proper materials are used and conditions remain ideal, two months of vat-grown meat production could deliver up to 50,000 tons of meat from ten pork muscle cells. Theoretically, one animal could provide more than a billion pounds of in vitro meat to feed the world's population for several hundred years.

 

Because this Frankenmeat has yet to be placed on the market, the health risks have not yet been fully investigated.  The aim is to produce healthier meat than conventional meat, most notably by reducing its fat content and controlling nutrients. Researchers have suggested that omega-3 fatty acids could be added, and as a bonus there will be no choking on chicken bones. Hydroponic meat does not necessarily involve genetic engineering, in fact, the cells involved are natural cells which would grow in the normal method.  An issue of Time magazine has suggested that the in vitro process may also decrease exposure of the meat to bacteria and disease. 

 

 

Due to the strictly controlled and predictable environments of shmeat farming, it is predicted that there will be reduced exposure to dangerous chemicals like pesticides and fungicides, severe injuries, and wildlife.  A study by researchers at Oxford and the University of Amsterdam found that in vitro meat was "potentially ... much more efficient and environmentally-friendly", generating only 4% greenhouse gas emissions, reducing the energy needs of meat generation by up to 45%, and requiring only 2% of the land that the global meat/livestock industry does.

 

Tube meat will initially invade the market in Spam cans, sausages, and frozen burgers.  Presently it's a little expensive for the average consumer, in May 2013 one burger patty was produced for around $325,000, but it is anticipated that the cost will reduce to compete with conventional meat as technologies and it's mass production evolves.  Vat-grown meat can be fashioned from any creature, not just farm animals, even endangered animals like the leather-back sea turtle, or the Sumatran rhinoceros. The future holds that no creature will be off the menu, no matter how rare or exotic.  In fact some scientists believe we will be able to create test tube meat using the DNA of extinct beasts and dine on Jurassic burgers.

 

 

Dick

This months LP is a self titled Dick.

The Dick LP, by Dick, was aimed primarily towards people who enjoy Dick.

 

At first Dick had trouble rising in the music industry, but being a clever dick, he managed to stick it out long enough to get a head.  But still Dick has a hard life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbour is an arse-hole, his best friend is a pussy and his handler beats him.  But on the up side, since he started on the nicotine patches Dick has cut down to two butts a day.

 

Pushing & Touching Maria