Lonliest Ho

A Christmas themed book cover, The Loneliest Ho in the World by Travis Heaton.

It gets very lonely hoing for Santa up around the North Pole.

Jeffs Peril

If you listen closely to the Christmas song Deck the Halls you'll hear:

"Dawn we now our day of peril.
Fa la la la la, la la la lah."

and

"Strike the heart, enjoy the florist.
Fa la la la la, la la la lah."

Also in the Christmas song entitled The Chrismas Song, the words are:

"Jeffs nuts roasting on an open fire."

That'll teach him not to fall asleep.

Christmas History

This day in history:

Xmas Movie

I think said mostly everything I wanted to about Santa in last years post.  Except that Santa gives more and better presents to rich kids than he does to poor kids.

Here's something you can think about when you sit down to eat your Christmas pudding:

That's what the sequel should be.

Astro-Weenie Christmas Tree

If you're stuck for novel dinner or lunch hosting ideas this Christmas you could try your hand at making Charles Phoenix's Astro-Weenie Christmas Tree.  Noting brings joy to the yuletide festivities more than an Astro-Weenie Tree.

You and your guests will be as happy a Charles when you wop out your Astro-Weenies at the Christmas dining table and all you need do is follow the instructions for your own Astro-Weenie Christmas Tree and many other home cooking wonders at CharlesPhoenix.com.

Reindeer Roast

Known commonly as venison, reindeer may be eaten as steaks, tournedos, roasts, sausages, jerky and minced meat. It has a flavour reminiscent of beef, but is richer and can have a gamey note.  One of the best things reindeer has in its favour is its low fat content. A 100g serving contains just over 2g of fat. Of that, less than 1g is saturated fat. A similarly sized beef rib-eye steak, contains nearly 15g of total fat, with almost 6g of saturated fat.

Reindeer meat is also low-calorie. A 100g serving contains only 150 calories whereas the same serving of beef contains 249 calories.  Additionally, reindeer has a slightly higher protein content than beef. A 100g serving of reindeer will provide over 75 percent of the recommended daily intake of vitamin B12 for an adult. Vitamin B12 is essential for several life processes including red blood cell formation, DNA synthesis and healthy metabolism.   Because of its high nutritional value, reindeer meat is the smart choice for your Christmas family dinner.

If you can down one, you'll find Santa's flying reindeers less gamy with a misty, magical taste somewhere between the unicorn and the Quilin.

Santa Shakedown

When Batman's around you better watch out and you better not pout, Santa.

Xmas Road Toal

Australia entered the Afghanistan War on October 7 2001.  Since that time 32 Australian soldiers have been killed over the past ten years serving in Afghanistan.  In contrast there has been 14598 Australians killed in car accidents over the same period.

What that means is, being an Australian soldier in a war zone is 456 times safer than being a civilian driving on an Australian road.  It probably has a lot to do with the fact that, despite the situation, Australian soldiers know what they're doing while half the drivers on the road don't have the slightest clue what they're doing.

Or maybe we should just all drive tanks.

Christmas Abyss

From The Urban Dictionary

Christmas Abyss

The conspicuous absence and lack of communication from all your friends who celebrate the Christmas holiday due to family commitments and/or over-consumption of alcohol on Christmas Eve.

"Man, I can't get a hold of anyone today. They must have fallen into the Christmas Abyss."

Cryptmas

It's that time of the year again and the Krampus is just around the corner.

Tales from the Crypt – Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas

 

1. Intro to Albulm
2. Deck the Hall with Parts of Charlie
3. Juggle Bills
4. We Wish You’d Bury the Missus
5. Moe Teitlebaum
6. A Christmas Card for the Cryptkeeper
7. Christmas Rap
8. Intr to Cryptkeeper’s Family Christmas
9. Cryptkeeper’s Family Christmas
10. Twas the Fright Before Christmas
11. 12 Days of Cryptmas
12. Revenge of the Cryptkeeper
13. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
14. Should Old Cadavers Be Forgot


My favorite is track two.

Back & Crack

My latest idea is for an anti-dandruff shampoo called Back and Crack.  It's like Head and Shoulders shampoo, except it's for back and crack.

It's much needed.