Friday, April 29, 2011

No Time Like the Future

Nelson Bond who was obviously a proponent of procrastination having written No Time Like the Future.  It's surprising he managed to complete writing the novel. 

In the future our robot overlords will ban all human sporting events to make room for self indulgent artistic android performances. 

The robot depicted on the cover is in the middle of his magnum opus operatic piece. Unfortunately, his performance is tragically upstaged by the human woman streaking behind him.  A natural outcome after the abolition of cricket.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hold Her Ears

In the song Jessie's Girl,  Rick Springfield sings "And he's holding her ears on late at night."

Kate Bush sings Wuthering Heights she sings "Heathcliff! It’s me on caffeine. I’m a wombat."

In Love Cats, Robert Smith from The Cure sings "So want a flea, want a flea, want a flea, pretty?"

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Hollow Rabbits Eggs

The modern English term Easter developed from the Old English word Eastre or Eostre. The name refers to Eostur-monath, a month of the Germanic calendar named after the Anglo-Saxon pagan goddess Eostre.  The egg was a symbol of the rebirth of the earth in pagan celebrations of spring and was adopted by early Christians as a symbol of the rebirth of man for Easter after they conquered and integrated these pagans.  The rabbit is also a pagan symbol of fertility on account of that they are always at it with each other like the filthy rodents they are.

The rabbit bringing eggs has it's origin from Alsace in Southern Germany during the early 17th century.  According to the tradition, children would build brightly coloured nests, often out of caps and bonnets, in secluded areas of their homes. An Easter Hare would lay brightly coloured eggs in the nest if the children had been good.  As the tradition spread, it eventually became the modern egg hunt.  These days the eggs are usually sweet on the outside but hollow on the inside which is probably an accurate analogy of it’s commercialisation.

Most people are aware of the traditional egg hunt game some families do, but there are other much more exciting traditional Easter games like the Egg Dance.  In the Egg Dance a number of eggs are laid on the ground or floor and the goal is to dance among them breaking as few as possible.  Occasionally it was done blindfolded for extra party entertainment value, like when one of the uncles slips on the yolk and fractures his spine.  A hopping variation popular in England was called the hop-egg.

Just remember that not everything brown and oval left behind by the Easter rabbit is made of chocolate.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Captain Cook

On this day in 1770 Captain Cook discovered Australia.

Captain Cook was the first person ever to discoverer Australia and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Cook found it on a Dutch map, the Dutch discovered Australia in 1606 on a map they bought off the Portuguese.  The Portuguese had a huge trade in buying, copying and selling maps, which is how they discovered Australia in 1521 on a map they purchased from the Chinese.  The Chinese discovered Australia in 1418 when they followed the string of islands southwards.

Australia.  Discovered by Captain Cook.

Captain Cook also discovered Hawaii and enjoyed a good sandwich.

Originally Cook named Hawaii "The Sandwich Islands".  He also tentatively named a group of islands near the tip of South America "Sandwich Land".  These islands later became known as "The Sandwich Islands" and their name officially changed to "The South Sandwich Islands" so as not to be confused with Hawaii, still called "The Sandwich Islands" at the time.

The Earl of Sandwich paid for the Resolution and both it's companion ships the Adventure and the Discovery for the Pacific exploration.  If he had funded the Endeavour, it could have been Australia that was named "Sandwich Land".  If this was so, Olympic announcers would have to say stuff like ".. and in lane four is Ian Thorpe representing Sandwich Land".  Australias international marketing potential would be outrageous. 

Cook arrived in Hawaii during the season of Lono the god of peace and Fertility.  Upon going ashore Cook was baffled by the great ceremony which greeted him and did not realise that he was being accepted as a Polynesian god. With his poor grasp of local etiquette his crew soon outstayed their welcome. Two days after sailing away from the island, the Resolution sprung its foremast and had to return.  This time the season of Lono had ended and the season of Ku, the god of war, had begun.

Cook did not receive the welcome he expected.

There was stealing of boats and attempted hostage taking, and guns and clubs all over the shop.  Cook was clubbed and stabbed to death on the beach during a not very leisurely stroll.  The local islanders believed that the power of a man was in his bones, so they took Cooks corpse, gutted and cooked Cook, to enable the bones to be easily removed.  Whereon Captain Cooks name became his self fulfilling prophecy.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Rabbid Rabbit

It's almost time for the Easter Bunny to visit in the middle of the night.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Legend of Zelda

One of the best tribute songs you will find anywhere, with a super tight fan made video clip.

For some reason everyone thinks the music is by System of a Down but I suspect it's actually by a couple of guys that go by the name Group X.

Friday, April 08, 2011


From The Urban Dictionary


Wherein you are neither one or the other handed, rather you do all things with outstretched stiff arms.

"I handed him a cup of coffee and he tried to pick it up like a fork lift- spilled it all down his pants. He went from being a left handed bloke to zombidextrous."

I thought Bill Murray gave a very believable character interpretation while playing himself in Zombiland.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Bunny Love

I was trying to head in an Easterly Rabbit direction with this.  I don't think I got there.

I have no idea what's going on in the picture on this LP cover.

Um, here's the Rabbot dancing.

Friday, April 01, 2011

April Fish

Happy New Year!  It's an April Fish!

Sometimes referred to as All Fools' Day, 1st April is not a legal holiday, but its a good excuse for me to not turn up to work and is recognised internationally as a day for practical jokes and general nonsense.

In the Middle Ages, New Year's Day was celebrated on the 25th of March in most European towns. In some areas of France, New Year's was a week-long holiday ending on the 1st of April.  The use of the 1st of January as New Year's Day was common in France by the mid-sixteenth century, and slick French city folk would play tricks on those backwater folk from the villages if they came to town on the 1st of April believing it to be new years day.

The traditional joke to play on someone in France, still practiced today in places, is poisson d'avril (meaning April's fish), which involves attempting to attach a paper fish to the victim's back without being noticed. This is also widespread in other nations, like Italy, where the term Pesce d'aprile (again meaning April's fish) is also used to refer to any jokes done during the day.

The whole fish thing is a reference to the abundance of newborn fish that were in French rivers at this time of year, and imply a person is as easy to fool as a newly hatched fish.  And such frivolity it is to see your country neighbour go home with a fish stuck to his back.